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  1. barkbat


    I'll mark you as a dirt-worshipping heathen from this fucking point forward.
  2. barkbat


    S2 is weaker than S1 - I think they were trying to cover too many narrative strands and it ended up feeling a bit dis-jointed and slight. S1 is surprisingly tight and focused despite the extensive cast. But S3 picks up and runs with it and is just as good as S1. So keep going, and don't be too hard on S2. It's all set up for the majesty of S3.
  3. barkbat


    San Francisco cock sucker!
  4. The man that brought Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid to our screens is a great man indeed. A true great. He will be missed.
  5. barkbat


    San Francisco cocksucker.
  6. All they have to do is release a playable demo of Death Stranding on PSN, perhaps a specially created prologue chapter, just before the Xbox conference, and they will win E3. Release a playable demo of Last of Us 2 as well, and it would be their greatest E3 ever.
  7. It's a twrap.
  8. Let me guess. It will be out "soon".
  9. barkbat

    The Apprentice 2018

    We all knew the plane was going to crash into the mountain. The only question was at what speed? And with how many passengers onboard? Poor Kurran. All he wanted to do was make an advert for a business airline. But his team kept demanding an advert for a party airline. And like a dog repeatedly being ordered to sit, having his backside impatiently pushed to the floor, and then looking quite chuffed about the fact that he is sitting, Kurran eventually decided he had decided to make an advert for a party airline. Two minutes in, and the noose was already tight around his neck. Any hopes that he might be rescued by the efforts of his team mates were quickly dashed when they all decided to channel the creative powers of Paul Gascoigne and create one of the most incomprehensible and offensive corporate brands in Apprentice history. Alcohol. Explosions. Easy-wipe neon boob tubes. Even a complimentary cat-shit mince pie couldn't have made matters any more distasteful. And when it came to the actual directing, Kurran bravely decided to go it alone, and film his airline advert on a beach with some people sitting in deckchairs. Because what could possible go wrong there? Nothing. That's what. It was perfect. So as it turned out, Kurran's swansong was a kamikaze affair, a lonely, ambling suicide involving a plane with no fuel, and a happy, fluffy dog in the cockpit, tongue out, eyes slightly askew, merrily heading to its own death without any real grasp that it was ever alive to begin with. Farewell Kurran. Good night sweet prince. I hope they have squirrels in doggy heaven. And no arms. You really were a very good boy.
  10. I have John in my camp but no Sadie anywhere. And although Jack was here earlier he's gone now. I did the Uncle mission first but didn't fail it, and I honestly don't know if these people are missing because I'm not finding them or if it's a bug. I remember in GTA V how cars would just start repeating after a while and you basically just had to lump it. I'm going to do one more mission and see if they appear but if not I'll just restart.
  11. barkbat

    Nintendo 64 Mini

    Custom hardware. Hefty HD optimisation. Four controllers. Legal wrangles with Microsoft. THIS IS NINTENDO PEOPLE. It's not going to happen, and even if it did, it would probably cost £200 and only come with one controller.
  12. barkbat

    Red Dead Redemption 2

    Now hold L2, press up, and then cycle with R1 and L1 to maintain your oat biscuit.
  13. barkbat

    The Apprentice 2018

    My God what a roller-coaster that was. I thought we'd lost him. I thought there was no way back. Like Cinderella at midnight, Kurran would get his marching orders, the magic would be gone, and a sad lonesome Labrador would wander out the Apprentice building, tail down, ears drooped. But then - a BBC MIRACLE - a SUGAR EX MACHINA - and not only is Kurran rescued from his own crushing ineptitude, a candidate who has lasted 5 weeks doing literally nothing except spraining his arm (off camera, truly no one wins), but he is made PM for the video task. PM! Directing a video! Kurran! You may have thought Netflix and HBO ushered in the golden age of television. But that was just a prelude. Next week's Apprentice will BE the golden age. The Apogee of not just television but all human culture. What happens when a void is sucked into a black hole? Kurran knows. Kurran, arguably a Labrador in disguise, is in charge of the Apprentice video task. Just writing it makes me quiver.
  14. barkbat

    Red Dead Redemption 2

    The world is gorgeous but whoever designed the UI and the control systems... I suspect it was many more than one person and they didn't all have a meeting together until around year 3. Whoever designed the interface for the whole horse satchel... It's almost comically confusing. And I played RDR almost to completion just a few years ago. Just give me a Resident Evil 4 style case system and be gone with ya. Why are R* so bad at this? And why, if they are going to give you this Frankenstein monster of a UI, are they so disinterested in a proper tutorial? Tiny text boxes flashing past AGAIN. Stupid icons with no explanation AGAIN. Stop doing it! You're so good at the other stuff!
  15. barkbat

    PlayStation Classic - December 2018

    What we're all forgetting is that there was a very decent port of Little Big Adventure 1 on the PS1 and wherever possible, that game should be available to humanity.

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