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    Makins gamez and reviewin' stuff for SFX Mag.

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  1. jon_cybernet

    PlayStation Classic - December 2018

    Is anyone offering pre-orders yet?
  2. jon_cybernet

    Good new horror films

    I do love films like that now and again. Felt the same when I watched Ex Drummer. Maybe we should start a ‘What the Fuck Did I Just Watch?’ thread for brain-melting flicks.
  3. Papers, Please (2013) Set in a post Brexit-apocalypse, a lonely Border Force employee spends weeks trying to prevent people from smuggling valuable potatoes across the newly built Irish wall, trying to earn enough Boris Bucks to keep his family alive. He doesn’t want to accept bribes, but food is scarce and the death rate keeps Dublin. Eventually, they all die from chlorine-washed ham poisoning.
  4. Oh yeah! I forgot. I hope they make him super disco. They could just pretend he got bit in the 70’s.
  5. jon_cybernet

    Better Call Saul!

    Unfortunately, this week’s montage slot was already taken up by the epic ‘carrying some phones into the back room of a nail salon’ sequence.
  6. Why wouldn’t they just start with a Blade reboot? He’s far more famous with the general public thanks to the Snipes movies. I’ve got a weird feeling they’re going to do the darker Marvel stuff (Ghost Rider, Morbius, Blade, Moon Knight, Man-Thing etc.) in a similar way that they did The Defenders on Netflix - as a series of interconnected shows, only on the new Disney streaming platform instead. It’d be a good way to drum up some interest, and apart from Ghost Rider appearing on Agents of Shield, it’s a section of the universe that’s largely untouched in the MCU.
  7. Resident Evil 4 (2005) After binging on a steady diet of Info Wars and green herbs for six years, Leon, a young police officer with PTSD becomes convinced that a group of Spanish dissidents have kidnapped the President's daughter. He travels to an obscure part of Spain, and without even a cursory investigation, immediately begins unloading both barrels on the small rural community. They attempt to defend their property, but herb addict Leon will have none of it - he even contacts a local arms dealer to gain access to bigger and better weaponry. He kidnaps a young American tourist, destroys the best part of a 12th century Spanish Alcázar, and then travels to a nearby island, where he forces the young girl to take Alex Jones' pills to "Rid themselves of the infection', before using a radiotherapic device (also available on the Info Wars website) to remove the root of the 'infection' (Later diagnosed as chlamydia). The duo set fire to the island, and ride away on a jetski, where, (exhausted and showing signs of Stockholm syndrome), the young American offers herself to Leon. He refuses. It's what Alex would do.
  8. jon_cybernet

    Good new horror films

    By no stretch a new film, but I stuck Posession on for the first time tonight, and I’m still not quite sure what the fuck I just watched. The scene in the subway was fucking nuts. The whole thing was like some crazy fever dream. Not particularly scary but absolutely mental from start to finish.
  9. Definitely something sinister there.
  10. jon_cybernet

    Movie viewings that broke the fourth wall

    No, Signs was popular with most critics and audiences and was pretty accessible. Unbreakable was the slightly impenetrable one that left a few critics scratching their heads, before he started circling the drain with The Village, The Lady in the Water, and The Last Airbender.
  11. jon_cybernet

    I’m writing a C64 version of Picross

    That looks really lovely! What are the rules for Picross? Can there only be one solution?
  12. jon_cybernet

    Minotaur Arcade:Vol 1

    I played the VR versions of Gridrunner and Goatup at Jeff’s farm in Wales last month and it was incredible. It’s like being inside an arcade machine, and it’s basically the closest I’ve ever come to being in Tron.
  13. jon_cybernet

    Movie viewings that broke the fourth wall

    The only thing I can think of that was like that was going on a date to see Match Point at the Curzon in Soho. About half way through the film, the two leads go on a cinema date. To the Curzon in Soho. To the very same screen we were currently sitting in. Lots of nervous laughter, and a single cheer. That was a bit weird.
  14. Cage Match Three of the best Nicholas Cage gone wild movies (This list could have been at least three times as long, and I left out Face/Off, ‘cos someone else mentioned it above): The Wicker Man: Nicholas Cage becomes convinced he’s uncovered a satanic cult. Terrible, terrible remake, but Cage’s performance is easily a Bee+ Vampire’s Kiss: Nicholas Cage becomes convinced he’s a vampire. Possibly a documentary. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans: Nicholas Cage becomes convinced he’s a corrupt cop. Even the title is mad, and the film’s not much better. No idea why Werner Herzog decided to make this unnecessary sequel many years after the original, but I’m glad he did.
  15. jon_cybernet

    Your unearthed gems

    Few of my faves: Liza The Fox Fairy - Sort of like a Hungarian Amelie, if Amelie murdered a whole heap of people. Trailer's a bit spoilery, so here's a music video from the soundtrack featuring clips from the film: Marathon - Awesome Korean melodrama about a young autistic man who attempts to run a marathon. Defy you not to cry. Tailer: Mother, Juggs and Speed - awesome 70's action as Raquel Welsh, Harvey Keitel and er... *checks list* Bill Cosby race to become the fastest ambulance drivers on the block. Mainly just for the weird casting that works better than you'd think! Trailer: Revolver - No, not the shit Guy Richie one. This is the awesome poliziottesco film directed by Sergio Sollima and released in 1973. Oliver Reed (visibly drunk and dubbed throughout) plays a prison warden who springs a petty thief to help him track down his kidnapped wife. No idea why this one's never been re-made, it's awesome.

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