Imagine launch day. You come home from a hard days work. Tired. Stressed. In the lounge is a huge box. You open it up and find your gigantic psfive. You can't believe it.
But I didn't order a ps5, they were sold out everywhere. Surprise, says your partner as they kiss you on the cheek. I can't believe it, I don't even remember their birthday and yet they have gone to all this effort for me.
You unbox the behomoth. Its magnificent ugly frame doesn't fit in your TV stand, but you don't care. You put it on the floor, plug it in.
I can't wait to see these graphics. The hdr. Pixels flying everywhere. This is gaming.
You log into psn. Old friends appear on your friend list. All playing their brand new consoles. Sending pics of their ears to Sony bosses.
They are all playing spiderman. Standard. Beat game Eva and looks so good. Really showoff the next gen.
Don't worry hun, I installed your game already, I knew you couldn't want, states your partner. Awesome. Miles here I come.
You click play on the main screen. Load current disc. You turn the audio up, get that bass set.
'an expedition thirteen strong....'
Hold on what's this? Spidey? Oh shit...
Oh fuck. Bugsnax. Of all The games they could have picked.
' the man in GAME said this was the best one!' they tell you. ' it's like knack! You loved knack'
You sit, smiling on the outside. Crying inside.
You play as a baguette worm looking for his chipolata caterpillar brother. It's uttersshit. A steaming 4k 120 fps steaming diarrhea dogshit
You know all your friends are currently owning green goblin all over the city. Whilst your chasing a fucking pizzashaped hedgehog for a gold coin.
'how's your game hun' your partner assks after ten minutes. You fake smile and nod, Inside your crying. Your squad will never let this down, they can all see what your playing.